Marriage mistakes a life of mayhem.
My mom told me an interesting story that I’d like to share. My mother grew up in a relatively modest family, her dad was a farmer who farmed things like yam, coco yam, plantain and Ukwa (breadfruit). Her mom was the type that had a number of families she cared for and fed in the village. Even so, items like school uniforms and sandals were a luxury and hard to afford so they were often passed down from sibling to sibling.
Among her siblings, my mother had a super smart sister, who was really good in all the subjects, especially math. She is what we would call a “gifted child”.
This smart sister of hers was always first in class, out shining and out pacing every other student in the school. It wasn’t surprising that one day after being declared the best student in the class, the teacher called on all the students to give her a resounding round of applause. But things quickly changed, when he suddenly paused, seeing that the school uniform was torn, looked at my mom’s sister and told all the students, “Her uniform is torn. Instead of clapping for her, give her a ‘back-handed’ clap for wearing torn school uniforms.”
Slowly but surely, one student and then followed by another, and then the whole class responded, clapping with the back of their hands to the utter shock of my aunty and my grandmother who would later learn of what had transpired at school that day.
Fast forward to a few years later, after my aunty has gone to college and started her own career in teaching. My grandmother was called because some very important guests, suitors, had come to seek my aunts hand in marriage. Upon asking more questions, my grandmother was told who it was that had come to marry her daughter. That same teacher from many years back. (During their time, it was normal to marry with a wide age gap).
“No”, said my grandmother calmly. “You cannot marry her,” she insisted. “When she buys new school uniforms, then you can come back and marry,” she mockingly replied to the teacher, who was beyond shocked and in disbelief that his hopes of marriage to a beautiful smart bride was forever dashed by a mom who knew her daughters worth.
What struck me when my mom told me this story was that though my grandmother had little, she was not lured by the status or wealth of the potential suitor. She wasn’t swayed by the prospect of securing her daughters financial future while possibly committing her to a life of emotional abuse. She didn’t want her daughter to endure the constant pain of not being good enough. The man’s character was tested in the past and he failed.
Not too long after that, my aunt married a far more excellent man. One who would love and care for her. One with whom she could truly be herself. One with whom she enjoyed many, many years of true friendship, partnership, love and marriage. Not surprisingly too, her daughters have also gleaned and enjoyed similar graces in their relationships. Talk about generational blessing.
#Knowyourworth. #Choosecharacter overmoney. #Youcanfindtruelove. #Donotsettleforless. #Thereisprotection inobedience. #A motherslove. #Prayfor yourdaughters. #Prayforyoursonstoo. #Generational blessing.
